Well, well f*ckin well, Motherf*ckers!!! I’m rowdy and wild tonite in this version of the picks… brought to you by KY Jelly and a propensity for GHE writers to get royally f*cked by the picks. Sidenote; I like to keep it PG13 in this B-I-Itch.
A 2nd “well” via the GHE folks this week as ya boy Trev goes only 3-7 along with the homie Jeremy who also went 3-7. The last place pimp that we refer to as Mr Hound Doggy Harrington, Joe, went 2-8 and, well, then so did 2nd place Bobo “beers” O’Malley. Travis went 9-1 because why the f*ck not!? and Blake went 6-4.
Somewhere around here, Travis is singing Unkle Kracker’s “Follow Me” and dancing naked around his living room as he beckons all GHE followers to bet his way this week.
The totals for the season now have Trav taking a commanding 15-10 lead, while I’m stuck in 2nd at 12-13, Blake jumps from last to 3rd at 11-14 , Bob is 10-15, Jeremy is 9-16 and Joe is well… 7-18… woof.
On to this week, the last week of nothing new and exciting as the picks stay the same: 5 NCAA football games and 5 NFL football games.
Bowling Green goes to Wiscy and gets 27 points.
This game is simply put in here to remind us that the B1G just gets brutally brutalized by MACtion on a weekly basis, and who knows? Wiscy could be next! I am the only one who thinks the Wicsy Badgers have a chance to cover the 27 points that they’re giving against the Bowling Green blah blah… whatever the f*ck they are (Yes, I f*ckin know, they’re the Falcons).
Clemson goes to Doak Campbell Stadium in Tallahassee, FL since none of you know where that is, and they get 20 against the #1 Seminoles of Florida State.
Again, I stand alone as the loan GHE (apparent idiot) who thinks that FSU will cover this difference despite not having “Famous” Jameis “Crab Legs” Winston “Tobacco” for the first half. Go Seminoles and may G*d rest my soul.
Florida Gators go to Tuscaloosa to get bum-rushed by Nick Sabans gang of over-paid gigantic men. Bama is giving only 14.5.
We’re all on Bama, which means Bama loses by 1000, bet the over!
Utah Utes, or whatever the F*ck they are, go to Ann Arbor to take on the Fat Happy Clapper and the Wolverines, who are giving 7.5.
Trav and Bob think the Brady Hoke factor is not enough to lead Utah to an overwhelming victory, while the rest of us have Utah covering and probably blowing the doors off the place as the Michigan student section starts throwing blow-up dolls on the field by halftime.
The fighting Eagles of Eastern Michigan take their talents to East Lansing (If you’re really bored, ask Joe for his version of the EMU fight song) and they’re giving 45.5.
Only myself and Jeremy “Hockey fan who only loves Joe” Dewar have MSU covering the billion points, while the rest of the dummies have EMU holding this game… errrrrr… close.
On the the Mighty NFL
Tampa in the ATL and Atlanta is inexplicably giving 7, idk man I guess they were good last year! Ha!
It’s a 50/50 split, Me, Joe and Blake are on Tampa to cover, the rest of them… ahh who gives a F*CK!?!?!
San Diego heads to 2-0 Buffalo who is still in a complete j*zz fest as the Bills have finally been sold to some idiot who thinks that the NFL can make it in Buffalo. Buffalo is giving 1, for probably the first time in the history of this miserable franchise.
Jeremy is the lone soul who thinks that EJ Manuel can lead the Bills to a victory in this one, the rest of are of the belief that none of this can possibly be real and the Bills will remember that they suck, soon enough.
Baltimore goes to Cleveland and gets 1.5.
A home dawg in the NFL, blah. Another week and so far only one domestic violence case has graced the front cover of magazines, Jonathan Dwyer of the Cards is the newest victim/culprit of hitting somebody 1/4 his size. I digress, another 50/50 split with Jeremy, Blake and Bob on the Ravens, who suck, and the rest of us on the Browns who just keep winning… because Johnny Football.
Denver to Seattle where they probably won’t lose 43-8. Or whatever that score was.
Denver is getting 5 in the rematch-bowl and why shouldn’t they, they have Peyton Manning and the greatest show on turf (despite not playing on turf). Myself and the genius known as, Bob, are the only ones on the Broncos to make up for the way the Seahawks treated them last year on the grandest stage.
Lastly and again, leastly, the Lions welcome the Packers to Detroit and somehow, some f*ckin way, are giving a point… I give up.
Then again, I look over my list of picks and for some reason I took the Lions to cover that 1 point, and so did Bob and Jeremy and that’s because we’re all soaked in Honolulu Blue butter and are dripping from every crevice in our small manly bodies.
I contend that this week could be the funnest version of the picks yet and that’s because I did it at LAX (LA international airport) under the influence of 3 $11 beers and no sleep for almost 24hrs.
Suck an *ss. That is all.