Picks Week 6!!!!!!!!

It’s official; I’m the smartest man alive in the GHE pick ‘em, but I’m a total idiot when it comes to transferring these winnings to real-life betting. But that’s neither here nor there. Last week, there were a pair of 7-3, Blake and Jeremy, myself at 6-4, Bob and Joe at 5-5 and Trav went 2-8, a far fall from his 9-1 week.

When reached for comment, Trav said, “I’m still number one where it matters, 9-1 that one time, B*tches!” Or something to that effect…

Also it has been rumored recently, that nobody reads this. An investigation is being conducted by the powers that be.

The standings:

1^st – Trev (25-20)

T-2^nd – Blake (23-22)

T-2^nd – Jeremy (23-22)

4^th – Bobo (22-23)

5^th – Trav (21-24)

…

76^th – Joe (16-29)

When reached for comment, Joe took off his pants, did the helicopter dance and screamed “I’m coming for you Bobo, I’m coming for you!” Because this is a PG page, we didn’t look any further into the context of Joe’s screaming.

This week’s NCAAF slate is like a smorgasbord of pure joyousness, it’s like a room full of porn stars and they’re all there to see you, it’s like a menu full of all your favorite foods (Just chicken tenders in Bob’s case, but that’s neither here nor there either). That being said, and since we are contractually obligated to put UM in here, I included two bonus picks for your viewing pleasure.

NCAA – Brought to you by Heinz Ketchup, because Bob loves ketchup and I love Bob

The fighting Rich Rods head into Eugene where they are 23 points puppies and get a front row seat to Marcus Mariota’s happy dance.

Myself and Bobo are of the impression that Zona’s offense can keep up with Oregon to a certain extent despite Ka’deem Carey no longer carrying the rock for them. The other 4 are probably going to be right and that’s ok, because I’m not a follower.

Kenny “the thrill” Hill takes his Aggies into Davis Wade Stadium at Scott Field, and if you don’t know who plays there, then this just isn’t the blog for you. Ok, I’m kidding, you could be a 4 year old who didn’t ask your mom for permission to use the internet and we’d still accept you as a reader. Anyway, A&M is a 1.5pt underdawg to Mississississississippi State.

A consensus could not be reached amongst the GHE fellas as we are split 50/50 with Trav, Roberto and Blake who are on Mississippi St. this weekend.

The third matchup is between the two most troll-looking coaches in the SEC, Gus Malzahn and his Auburn Tigers vs. Les Miles and his LSU Tigers. I won’t make the obvious joke, because I’m a pretty original guy. Ol’ Gus is an 8pt favorite this week.

This pick brought to you by the death of LSU. Well this one is easy, Joe is the only one on team Grass-Eater (Les Miles), and thus it can be determined that LSU will likely lose by 70.

Ameer Abdullah, probably the best runningback in the country, comes into East Lansing to take on Sparty who is only giving 8.5 this weekend in a B1G matchup that we might even see again at the end of the year in Indy. MSU is 3-1 against the spread this year so far.

A 4-2 GHE split because 4 of 6 of us missed the part about MSU being 3-1 against the spread this week, leaving only Blake and Trev who believe in Dantonio running up the score in his journey to the first ever NCAA playoff.

Our obligation to Michigan sports continues with adding Michigan v. Rutgers to this weekly sh*tshow. In a game brought to you by war cries, lies and Brady’s thighs, Rutgers welcomes little Blue to their neck of the woods and is giving 3! Giving 3!!!!! Rutgers vs. Michigan and Rutgers is a 3 point favorite!!! Fire them all, blow it up, Steven Ross can suck my *ss!!

None of us believe UM has a chance, and why should we? That is all.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

NFL – Brought to you by Joe, because he’s just so f*ggin cute

Smokin Jay takes on Whiny Cam and Carolina is giving 3 because Ron Rivera looks like he might have the entire mob on his side and Vegas don’t f*ck with the mob. Well known fact.

Joe and Blake, those dummies, think Carolina is going to cover the 3 at home.

New England is looking to get back this weekend after getting absolutely sh*tkicked by KC on Monday night and their task doesn’t get any easier, as they get Cincy. Tawwwmy Brady looked like a child who wasn’t given a Take5 bar while shopping with mom and Jimmy Garoppolo looked OK, sparking some idiot to ask if there was a QB controversy in New England, because, why not?

Again, a 4-2 split, and it’s become abundantly evident that Blake and Trav missed the Monday Night Football game this week or totally don’t believe in the farce that could be the Cincinnati Bengals this year.

The Cardinals are in Denver on Sunday and they’ll be trying to give Peyton and Johnny Fox that sour face that they get. In a matchup that seems like it should be more than a 7pt spread, the Broncos are a heavy favorite and Peyton has a heavy forehead.

6-0, unanimous, Denver in a rout.

Houston v Dallas, Houston v Dallas, two first place teams… Woah? Believe it or not, both are 3-1 and both are first place or tied for first in their respective divisions. The current leading rusher (Demarco Murray) against who might be the single best athlete in the league (JJ Watt) in Jerry World.

6-0, unanimous, Dallas in a rout. Sorry, Watt.

Let it be known, the GHE clan is 1-1 so far this season in unanimous decisions, which means absolutely nothing.

Buffalo makes another appearance in our weekly picks, but this time it’s only because they’re playing the Leos, this will likely be their last time… Ha f*ckers, we don’t love you anymore! King Neckbeard gets the start for the Bills because EJ Manuel is terrible. Also of note, Jim Schwartz makes a return to Detroit, where he’ll assuredly get a warm welcome. Leos are giving 7, and hell hath frozen over as they still have the best yards per game defense in the league!

The only thing keeping this game from being the 4^th unanimous pick of the week is Trav’s moral inability to pick the Lions to win for fear of “the jinx”. The rest of us are on the Lions.

Bonus Picks!!! – Brought you by Dave Brandon, because he’s looking for a job, and this is the best he could find.

Bama against Bo Wallace and only giving 6, you explain it. I can’t.

This is a bit of a funny line, Bama only giving 6 confuses me a bit, but as we’ve discussed before, Vegas is smarter than we are. An in-conference road test for Bama that Bob and Trav are giving to the Rebels +6.

Stanford goes to visit the Golden Domers again and after a pretty fine game by Everett Golson, who connected on a TD pass with Torii Hunter Jr., he’ll face a stiffer test this week against David Shaw’s Cardinal. I f*ckin hate that tree, just so you know.

The final game of the week has another 50/50 GHE split, I have here… Bob, Blake and Trav on the Pine Tree and the rest of us on Football J*sus.

Go Lions! Go Green! Go away Dave Brandon! Go get a headset Brady!

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Picks – Week 5

Alright here we go, one more time, everybody’s doin’ fine… yes, yes, yes, here we go.

Well most of us are doing fine-ish. The rightful owner of the thrown is back on top as I step back into the hearts of the people and allow you on my back as we walk through this road called life, with a Tribe Called Quest. “See, lyrically I’m Mario Andretti on the mo-mo \ ludicrously speedy, or infectious with the slow-mo” In case you thought I didn’t know, I did pick one of the cleaner lines because there are women and children in the audience.

Anywho. I’m actually 19-16 and tied with Trav for the top spot, the 3 game lead that he stretched with a 9-1 week came back to reality with the 4-6 finish in last week’s picks. Myself, Roberto Ramirez and Jeremy Jacobs went 7-3 for the week, Escobar Blake was 5-5 and Joe finished right along with Trav at 4-6.

That’s brings the overall record for Bob to 17-18, Blake and Jeremy are 16-19 and Joe is still bringing up the caboose at 11-24.

Recently, the GHE had a sit down with Joe and this is what we told him regarding his struggles with the picks, and this is what we told him; “The world is yours, and everything in it is out there, get on your grind and get it”. To which he replied “You guys ain’t never seen a caboose like this”.

A man in denial folks, it’s a sad state of affairs for a once proud American.

Picks – Week 4

Well, well f*ckin well, Motherf*ckers!!! I’m rowdy and wild tonite in this version of the picks… brought to you by KY Jelly and a propensity for GHE writers to get royally f*cked by the picks. Sidenote; I like to keep it PG13 in this B-I-Itch.

A 2nd “well” via the GHE folks this week as ya boy Trev goes only 3-7 along with the homie Jeremy who also went 3-7. The last place pimp that we refer to as Mr Hound Doggy Harrington, Joe, went 2-8 and, well, then so did 2nd place Bobo “beers” O’Malley. Travis went 9-1 because why the f*ck not!? and Blake went 6-4.

Somewhere around here, Travis is singing Unkle Kracker’s “Follow Me” and dancing naked around his living room as he beckons all GHE followers to bet his way this week.

The totals for the season now have Trav taking a commanding 15-10 lead, while I’m stuck in 2nd at 12-13, Blake jumps from last to 3rd at 11-14 , Bob is 10-15, Jeremy is 9-16 and Joe is well… 7-18… woof.

On to this week, the last week of nothing new and exciting as the picks stay the same: 5 NCAA football games and 5 NFL football games.

NCAA

Bowling Green goes to Wiscy and gets 27 points.

This game is simply put in here to remind us that the B1G just gets brutally brutalized by MACtion on a weekly basis, and who knows? Wiscy could be next! I am the only one who thinks the Wicsy Badgers have a chance to cover the 27 points that they’re giving against the Bowling Green blah blah… whatever the f*ck they are (Yes, I f*ckin know, they’re the Falcons).

Clemson goes to Doak Campbell Stadium in Tallahassee, FL since none of you know where that is, and they get 20 against the #1 Seminoles of Florida State.

Again, I stand alone as the loan GHE (apparent idiot) who thinks that FSU will cover this difference despite not having “Famous” Jameis “Crab Legs” Winston “Tobacco” for the first half. Go Seminoles and may G*d rest my soul.

Florida Gators go to Tuscaloosa to get bum-rushed by Nick Sabans gang of over-paid gigantic men. Bama is giving only 14.5.

We’re all on Bama, which means Bama loses by 1000, bet the over!

Utah Utes, or whatever the F*ck they are, go to Ann Arbor to take on the Fat Happy Clapper and the Wolverines, who are giving 7.5.

Trav and Bob think the Brady Hoke factor is not enough to lead Utah to an overwhelming victory, while the rest of us have Utah covering and probably blowing the doors off the place as the Michigan student section starts throwing blow-up dolls on the field by halftime.

The fighting Eagles of Eastern Michigan take their talents to East Lansing (If you’re really bored, ask Joe for his version of the EMU fight song) and they’re giving 45.5.

Only myself and Jeremy “Hockey fan who only loves Joe” Dewar have MSU covering the billion points, while the rest of the dummies have EMU holding this game… errrrrr… close.

On the the Mighty NFL

NFL

Tampa in the ATL and Atlanta is inexplicably giving 7, idk man I guess they were good last year! Ha!

It’s a 50/50 split, Me, Joe and Blake are on Tampa to cover, the rest of them… ahh who gives a F*CK!?!?!

San Diego heads to 2-0 Buffalo who is still in a complete j*zz fest as the Bills have finally been sold to some idiot who thinks that the NFL can make it in Buffalo. Buffalo is giving 1, for probably the first time in the history of this miserable franchise.

Jeremy is the lone soul who thinks that EJ Manuel can lead the Bills to a victory in this one, the rest of are of the belief that none of this can possibly be real and the Bills will remember that they suck, soon enough.

Baltimore goes to Cleveland and gets 1.5.

A home dawg in the NFL, blah. Another week and so far only one domestic violence case has graced the front cover of magazines, Jonathan Dwyer of the Cards is the newest victim/culprit of hitting somebody 1/4 his size. I digress, another 50/50 split with Jeremy, Blake and Bob on the Ravens, who suck, and the rest of us on the Browns who just keep winning… because Johnny Football.

Denver to Seattle where they probably won’t lose 43-8. Or whatever that score was.

Denver is getting 5 in the rematch-bowl and why shouldn’t they, they have Peyton Manning and the greatest show on turf (despite not playing on turf). Myself and the genius known as, Bob, are the only ones on the Broncos to make up for the way the Seahawks treated them last year on the grandest stage.

Lastly and again, leastly, the Lions welcome the Packers to Detroit and somehow, some f*ckin way, are giving a point… I give up.

Then again, I look over my list of picks and for some reason I took the Lions to cover that 1 point, and so did Bob and Jeremy and that’s because we’re all soaked in Honolulu Blue butter and are dripping from every crevice in our small manly bodies.

I contend that this week could be the funnest version of the picks yet and that’s because I did it at LAX (LA international airport) under the influence of 3 $11 beers and no sleep for almost 24hrs.

Suck an *ss. That is all.

Picks – Week 3

Well here we are moving into week 3 of college football and week 2 of the mighty NFL and if you’ve been following along, the boys at GHE have been making picks each week with the spread. Last week it was originally reported that Blake missed the call to get his picks in but in a last minute change of heart, he got them in.

Bob and I (Trev) led the way last week along going 7-3, while Jeremy was .500 at 5-5, Blake and Trav were respectable-ish at 4-6 and joe truly sucked it up with a 3-7 week. Woof. On the year now, I lead the way all on my own at 9-6, Bob is 8-7, Travis and Jeremy are 6-9 and Joe and Blake are bringing up the year at 5-10. Also… woof.

This week isn’t featuring anything different as we stay in the swing of things, 5 NCAA football games and 5 NFL games picking with the spread, try to keep up.

NCAA

The Go’gia Bulldawgs take their game to South Carolina where the Cocks are a home dawg, and if you are a YouTube regular, you know that when you mess with the Go’gia Bulldawgs, you gon’ get the Bulldawg bight! As the picks came rolling into my phone I thought it was going to be unanimous in the GHE household but then Blake threw it off by taking the Cocks, while the rest of us have Todd “Don’t call me Girly” Gurley running all over South Carolina and covering the 2.5 points.

The Trojans are on the road in Boston (well, actually Chestnut Hill) and are also a road favorite this week as they take on the Golden Eagles and are giving 20. We have yet another nearly unanimous decision as Trav stands alone in taking BC, and one of the worst uniform combos in the country, to cover the 20 points. Home-dawgs galore!!

The 3rd in home dawg in a row, Texas welcomes Heisman hopeful, Brett Hundley, and UCLA to Darrell K Royal- Texas Memorial Stadium. Damn, that name flows right off the tongue. Brett Hundley has 4 total TDs this season (3 through the air) and very well may double that number this week. Myself, Joe and Bob (the picks veterans) are taking UCLA to cover the 6 and beat Texas by at least a TD at home, while Jeremy, Trav and Blake are trusting Charlie Strong to lead Texas to a cover. Hook ’em Horns.

Why is this game even included? O I know, because MSU is already on a bye week. Wyoming is going to Eugene where Oregon looks to put a beatdown on an absolute joke of a school. It’s not very often that Wyoming doesn’t have the coolest unis on the field, but this week the Ducks will outshine them by a mile. The spread is 43 and Jeremy, Trav and Bob think that Wyoming can hold it…close? Blake, Joe and I are with Vegas and the absolute shitshow this week, take the Ducks!!

Lastly and actually least-ly, Michigan welcomes Miami of Ohio to Ann Arbor where the Big House may actually have less than 100,000 fans this week. Personally, you couldn’t pay me to watch this and well… frankly, I’m on team Get-Hoke-Out, he’s literally gotten worse every year but I digress. Michigan is giving 31.5 and only Jeremy and Joe have them covering that big ass spread. The rest of us are on the Red Hawks to cover.

NFL

Chi-town and Smoke-a-Jay Cutler go to San Fran where they’re getting 7 points which seems like an awful lot, especially for an NFL game featuring two playoff hopefuls. It’s a surprising spread and I think Vegas may be missing something this week in this game. I have Chicago covering, not necessarily winning, but at least keeping it close, along with Trav and Blake. Jeremy, Joe and Bob are on SanFran to cover at home and I offer my apologies for the confusion as Bob is usually a good pick to follow.

Philly and that high-powered offense are in Indy this week to take on the caveman, Andrew Luck, and his neck beard. It recently came out that Robert Mathis is out for the year and that will most definitely have an impact on the final score of this game. Indy is giving 3.5 in this game at home and yet again I’m confused by the spread, Blake and Bobo stand alone in this game taking Indy to win by at least 4. Trav, Jeremy, Joe and I are on the Iggles to take this one and if pushed, I’d take Philly to win by at least a TD.

The Thursday night game features a team in the news for all the wrong reasons lately as Baltimore plays host to the Pittsburgh Stillers and Rhianna who will sing the National Anthem tonight. Pitt is a 3 point dawg against a team in complete disarray right now. Trav is the only one of the GHE boys who think Baltimore will rise up and overcome all the bad pub and get it done while the rest of think they’ll add to a miserable week for the fans.

The Cowboys take their show on the road to what I view as a very underrated Tennessee team who is only giving 3.5 this week. Jerry Jones (Cowboys owner) would be the biggest news in the NFL this week if it weren’t for Ray Rice, as he is being sued by a stripper for an alleged sexual assault. Trav, Joe and Blake think the Boys have what it takes and as much as I love Tony Romo, I don’t think he’s ready still after the back surgery he went through in the offseason, so along with Jeremy and Bob, I have the Titans covering 3.5

The big game of the week for us in the state of Michigan, the Motor City Kitties take their talents to Carolina to face Cam’s Kittens. Recently, Cam made some off the cuff remarks that some may construe as racist, while others claim they are just pure ignorance because let’s face it, Cam Newton isn’t exactly a scholar. Detroit is getting 3 and only Travis and Blake think they won’t cover this week. But in fairness and full disclosure, Trav refuses to pick the Lions at all this season, purely out of some superstition.  The rest of us have the Leos staying hot and winning this week, or at least only losing by 2 or less.

That’s it and that’s all for week 3 of the picks, who’s team are you on?!

Game Recap – Lions Win the Good Ol’ Football Game

Holy.. What the.. Did you guys watch that game? The Lions came out and did exactly what they were expected to do last night without causing ulcers all over the tri-county area. They beat a sub-par team soundly and never really gave the Giants a chance to get in the game, and Eli produced so many pouty faces, the Vegas odds makers probably lost count. That was one of the more dominating performances you’re going to see from the Lions and a very promising start to a season for a team with moderately high expectations, at least from some people. 13-3 express baby!!!

It wasn’t all perfect for the Lions but there’s plenty of good to come out of this game, I’ll go over the good and the bad pretty quickly, no use dragging it out though since you probably watched the game for yourself. But in case you didn’t, here’s this…

Picks – Week 2

Well that didn’t go well in week one… Blake, Bob and Jeremy were all 1-4 in the first week. Bob and Jeremy had Georgia covering and Blake had MSU covering, their lone victories. Trev, Trav and Joe weren’t much better, all 2-3 on the week. Trev was the only one who got UM covering Appy St and took the Spartys covering as well. Joe was the lone ranger on Wiscy covering the -4.5, he also had Georgia. Trav had Georgia and MSU right. We all were wrong about the Cocks, who got blown out by Texas A&M, every one of us!

This week, the NFL kicks off so we have 10 total games and a collective GHE raging throbber for the weekend ahead… and Monday of course. No Blake this week in the picks, why you ask? We don’t know either.

**PSA** Generally speaking, if you go 100% against Joe’s pick for a whole season, you’ll come out on the plus side. Tried and true method of picking for 2 straight years now.

The Picks – Week 1

This is about to get fun, this is for the fans who can’t bet games themselves and want to win some money during the football season. Every week the boys at GHE are going to take 5 NCAA football games and 5 NFL games and pick them against the spread, to see who is the ultimate in football handicapping. Every now and again if something interesting comes up, we might throw in some bonus picks just to keep it interesting. The first week of NCAA is alone this week though as the NFL doesn’t start until next week.

Each week we’ll definitely squeeze the Blue and Green squads as well as the Lions in here so that we keep this with a local flare that’ll get you guys nice and saucy, and we’ll follow it up with the best games of the week in the rest of the league/country.