It’s official; I’m the smartest man alive in the GHE pick ‘em, but I’m a total idiot when it comes to transferring these winnings to real-life betting. But that’s neither here nor there. Last week, there were a pair of 7-3, Blake and Jeremy, myself at 6-4, Bob and Joe at 5-5 and Trav went 2-8, a far fall from his 9-1 week.
When reached for comment, Trav said, “I’m still number one where it matters, 9-1 that one time, B*tches!” Or something to that effect…
Also it has been rumored recently, that nobody reads this. An investigation is being conducted by the powers that be.
1st – Trev (25-20)
T-2nd – Blake (23-22)
T-2nd – Jeremy (23-22)
4th – Bobo (22-23)
5th – Trav (21-24)
76th – Joe (16-29)
When reached for comment, Joe took off his pants, did the helicopter dance and screamed “I’m coming for you Bobo, I’m coming for you!” Because this is a PG page, we didn’t look any further into the context of Joe’s screaming.
This week’s NCAAF slate is like a smorgasbord of pure joyousness, it’s like a room full of porn stars and they’re all there to see you, it’s like a menu full of all your favorite foods (Just chicken tenders in Bob’s case, but that’s neither here nor there either). That being said, and since we are contractually obligated to put UM in here, I included two bonus picks for your viewing pleasure.
NCAA – Brought to you by Heinz Ketchup, because Bob loves ketchup and I love Bob
The fighting Rich Rods head into Eugene where they are 23 points puppies and get a front row seat to Marcus Mariota’s happy dance.
Myself and Bobo are of the impression that Zona’s offense can keep up with Oregon to a certain extent despite Ka’deem Carey no longer carrying the rock for them. The other 4 are probably going to be right and that’s ok, because I’m not a follower.
Kenny “the thrill” Hill takes his Aggies into Davis Wade Stadium at Scott Field, and if you don’t know who plays there, then this just isn’t the blog for you. Ok, I’m kidding, you could be a 4 year old who didn’t ask your mom for permission to use the internet and we’d still accept you as a reader. Anyway, A&M is a 1.5pt underdawg to Mississississississippi State.
A consensus could not be reached amongst the GHE fellas as we are split 50/50 with Trav, Roberto and Blake who are on Mississippi St. this weekend.
The third matchup is between the two most troll-looking coaches in the SEC, Gus Malzahn and his Auburn Tigers vs. Les Miles and his LSU Tigers. I won’t make the obvious joke, because I’m a pretty original guy. Ol’ Gus is an 8pt favorite this week.
This pick brought to you by the death of LSU. Well this one is easy, Joe is the only one on team Grass-Eater (Les Miles), and thus it can be determined that LSU will likely lose by 70.
Ameer Abdullah, probably the best runningback in the country, comes into East Lansing to take on Sparty who is only giving 8.5 this weekend in a B1G matchup that we might even see again at the end of the year in Indy. MSU is 3-1 against the spread this year so far.
A 4-2 GHE split because 4 of 6 of us missed the part about MSU being 3-1 against the spread this week, leaving only Blake and Trev who believe in Dantonio running up the score in his journey to the first ever NCAA playoff.
Our obligation to Michigan sports continues with adding Michigan v. Rutgers to this weekly sh*tshow. In a game brought to you by war cries, lies and Brady’s thighs, Rutgers welcomes little Blue to their neck of the woods and is giving 3! Giving 3!!!!! Rutgers vs. Michigan and Rutgers is a 3 point favorite!!! Fire them all, blow it up, Steven Ross can suck my *ss!!
None of us believe UM has a chance, and why should we? That is all.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
NFL – Brought to you by Joe, because he’s just so f*ggin cute
Smokin Jay takes on Whiny Cam and Carolina is giving 3 because Ron Rivera looks like he might have the entire mob on his side and Vegas don’t f*ck with the mob. Well known fact.
Joe and Blake, those dummies, think Carolina is going to cover the 3 at home.
New England is looking to get back this weekend after getting absolutely sh*tkicked by KC on Monday night and their task doesn’t get any easier, as they get Cincy. Tawwwmy Brady looked like a child who wasn’t given a Take5 bar while shopping with mom and Jimmy Garoppolo looked OK, sparking some idiot to ask if there was a QB controversy in New England, because, why not?
Again, a 4-2 split, and it’s become abundantly evident that Blake and Trav missed the Monday Night Football game this week or totally don’t believe in the farce that could be the Cincinnati Bengals this year.
The Cardinals are in Denver on Sunday and they’ll be trying to give Peyton and Johnny Fox that sour face that they get. In a matchup that seems like it should be more than a 7pt spread, the Broncos are a heavy favorite and Peyton has a heavy forehead.
6-0, unanimous, Denver in a rout.
Houston v Dallas, Houston v Dallas, two first place teams… Woah? Believe it or not, both are 3-1 and both are first place or tied for first in their respective divisions. The current leading rusher (Demarco Murray) against who might be the single best athlete in the league (JJ Watt) in Jerry World.
6-0, unanimous, Dallas in a rout. Sorry, Watt.
Let it be known, the GHE clan is 1-1 so far this season in unanimous decisions, which means absolutely nothing.
Buffalo makes another appearance in our weekly picks, but this time it’s only because they’re playing the Leos, this will likely be their last time… Ha f*ckers, we don’t love you anymore! King Neckbeard gets the start for the Bills because EJ Manuel is terrible. Also of note, Jim Schwartz makes a return to Detroit, where he’ll assuredly get a warm welcome. Leos are giving 7, and hell hath frozen over as they still have the best yards per game defense in the league!
The only thing keeping this game from being the 4th unanimous pick of the week is Trav’s moral inability to pick the Lions to win for fear of “the jinx”. The rest of us are on the Lions.
Bonus Picks!!! – Brought you by Dave Brandon, because he’s looking for a job, and this is the best he could find.
Bama against Bo Wallace and only giving 6, you explain it. I can’t.
This is a bit of a funny line, Bama only giving 6 confuses me a bit, but as we’ve discussed before, Vegas is smarter than we are. An in-conference road test for Bama that Bob and Trav are giving to the Rebels +6.
Stanford goes to visit the Golden Domers again and after a pretty fine game by Everett Golson, who connected on a TD pass with Torii Hunter Jr., he’ll face a stiffer test this week against David Shaw’s Cardinal. I f*ckin hate that tree, just so you know.
The final game of the week has another 50/50 GHE split, I have here… Bob, Blake and Trav on the Pine Tree and the rest of us on Football J*sus.
Go Lions! Go Green! Go away Dave Brandon! Go get a headset Brady!